the rumbling of an espresso machine
the laughter of friends on a study break
the cacophony of the coffee shop merges
into one fluid hum, like white noise.
the city sirens that would keep me awake at night,
the honking of New York City cabs,
the demonic screeching of the subway,
the beep when I swipe into my college.
i used to walk from building to building,
earbuds in, music on.
i don’t know if i was trying to escape the noise outside
or if i just preferred to select my own surround sound.
the paper said noise levels have decreased.
i beg to differ.
i stare at the screen, amplified by my mind.
louder than ever.
IM A SAVAGE, I’LL MAKE A CUP OF COFFEE
I’M HUNGRY I WANT A SNACK.
CELEBRITY X IS CANCELLED.
I WONDER WHO I AM.
TIK TOK TIK TOK TIK TOK.
TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC.
DID MY PHONE JUST BUZZ?
HAHAHAHAHHA LMAO
WHO ARE YOUR REAL FRIENDS?
NETFLIX THEME SONG.
YOU’RE GETTING FAT.
I’M HUNGRY I WANT A SNACK.
TIK TOK TIK TOK
WHAT ARE MY POLITICAL VIEWS?
TIK TOK
THE DEMOCRACY IS BROKEN.
ANOTHER SNACK.
WHEN WILL I SEE MY FRIENDS?
A CRAZY VIVID DREAM.
STAY SIX FEET APART SIX FEET
DID I WASH MY HANDS?
TIK TOK WHAT TIME IS IT?
WHAT DAY IS IT?
DOOMSDAY.
i scream.
not out loud.
just in my head.
so it’s louder now.
i cannot find the mute button.
there is no remote control for the mind.
so i download an app
that claims it will help me be calm.
and it plays the sound of nature
and a man talks to me, tells me to clear my mind.
breathe in breathe out
tik tok— NO
breathe in breathe out
six feet— NO
breathe in breathe out
breathe in
breathe out
when the world outside went quiet,
the mind turned up the volume.
nature tries to achieve balance like that.
but the man on the app told me
that there is more space in the mind than you think.
lots and lots of room for silence.
seems delightful.
did you know stars scream?
yes, the universe is infinite
and very loud.
but i don’t hear it.
that gives me hope.
we can all scream
but we don’t have to listen.
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