My mother is on the phone with my aunt, catching up on uneventful quarantine updates, listing the most recent foods she has made. My mother is extremely delicate due to her mental illness, and the slightest bit of unnerving information can set her up for a storm of emotions.
My aunt tells her about the recent events on the news: the riots, the increasing virus cases, the way the peace that never existed in the first place is even harder to fathom now. My mother replies, "Oh, I don't watch the news anymore. Especially ever since this pandemic started. I want to remain happy and at peace."
I questioned the morality of her response. I used to be the same way throughout much of grade school. No politics, no news. Did that alone make me happy? No. But I definitely avoided a lot of rage and other negative emotions. Ever since I started college, however, I've been reminded of my civic duty and the importance of speaking up on issues no matter how "uncomfortable" they make you. To not play an active roll in political and social affairs is dormant and irresponsible.
I am definitely more angry nowadays. My inner peace has been disturbed. At the same time, I feel more impactful now. More passionate than ever before. So then I thought, maybe there is an age when if you have the capability to be involved and make change, that capability becomes a responsibility. You must take action, especially for the people who cannot do it themselves.
I thought about some older people I have talked to during this time. They tell me stories of being in the LA riots and participating in the various protests of the 70s, 80s, and 90s. They say that their time has passed and (we hear this a lot) it's up to young people to make a change.
That made me think about the fragility of youth. We drive progress. We have this energy that keeps feeding the fire within and we scream and that fire roars and sparks fly and before we know it- we burn out. Why do we burn out? Is it because we have nothing left to fuel the fire? Or is it because everything we could have burned has already been reduced to ashes?
Youth is also a time of realization. Of realizing the "adults" you looked up to- the adults you are becoming- know as little as you do. It's a time when the things that break you down are the same things that build your character. It's a time when as we learn more about the world around us, we are expected to change it as well. The age of instability is also your prime.
I told my mother all of this and she told me to not let anything get in the way of my inner peace. It is my spiritual goal to achieve and maintain inner peace. To see good and be good. But during times like this, it feels impossible. It feels easier- and necessary- to rage, to burn down the existing corruption and rebuild. How am I supposed to see the good in someone who is on the opposite end of the moral/ political spectrum? Is this the challenge? Is the key to ending the incessant noise and arguing simply to see others as human?
I don't know. And given that I'm a young person, I'm probably not supposed to know. No one knows.
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